Once, I was but an innocent egg. Until I was penetrated by a hockey-jersey-wearing sperm...
Once, I was but an innocent egg. Until I was penetrated by a hockey-jersey-wearing sperm...
I need 500 views of Son-in-Lockdown so I can maybe win @celebshowoff ! Link in my bio! https://youtu.be/iDLsl52jzlM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my chronologically-older-yet-younger-looking sister, @virginia_in_vienna ! From as far back as I can remember, Virginia was the first artsy dreamer I ever knew, hence the role model for what I’d become. She was the eldest sibling (with her own room, no less ), so VA was de facto responsible for making Mother’s Day cards my brother Don and I would then co-sign. She was in the @girlscouts and she got good grades - but what always stood out to me about Virginia was how she did artsy things: she’d record fake radio shows with me and Don, write stories, draw. I found a notebook in which she was writing an adventure tale featuring her and her friends. “You can’t write a book! You gotta ask the Government first!” I chided, five years old and five years my sister’s junior. “You never have to ask for permission to write a book,” said my sage sister. “This is America: Anybody can write whatever they want.” Those were powerful words that would shape the rest of my life. My brother Don was my first reader but my sister Virginia inspired me to write. I’d eventually script my own adventure tale, featuring me and my friends, set at @quickstopgroceries . And when I told my sister I wanted to be a filmmaker, she said “Then *be* a filmmaker. Don’t wanna-be it - you *are* a filmmaker already. You just haven’t made a film yet.” Fake it ‘til you make it, See it and Be it, self-actualize your future - call it what you will, but I know my Sis gave me magic words. More than that, @va2view gave me someone to emulate. And that’s what I’ve been doing for most of my life: following Virginia’s lead. Happy Double Nickels, Ga-Gee-Ya! Thank you for showing me how to be me by being you! #KevinSmith #virginiasheridan #birthday #birthdaygirl
I look forward to recording a new @veganabattoir every week because a ) I enjoy talking to @harleyquinnsmith and b ) because I love the @cartunaradio animation the @cartuna folks make for the show each week. In this week’s ep (at the link in my bio ), we chatted a bit about how Harley has taken over editing the podcast. And so the #cartuna geniuses turned the kid into a masked vigilante called The Editor who runs around editing what I’m saying (essentially my nightmare ). Best review I heard came from @jenschwalbach : “If *only* there was a button that would shut you up. Other than your dick.” Best review of the *cartoon*, that is - not the best review of my dick. If it was a review of my dick, it would’ve been a little limp. (I’ll show myself the door now. ) #KevinSmith #veganabattoir #podcast #cartoon #editing #harleyquinnsmith #harley #fathersanddaughters
WE MADE IT TO WEEK 8! Still alive on @celebshowoff , so there’s a brand new episode of SON-IN-LOCKDOWN to watch at the link in my bio above! In this ep, @austinzajur and I get trapped in an elevator, so we flashback to all our old episodes, 70’s style! The whole thing is something of an homage to our ill-fated #clerkstheanimatedseries ! This is the second to last episode of the series, as the @tbsnetwork summer show is almost done! If we don’t get canceled on Tuesday’s airing of #celebshowoff , there’s only one more Son-in-Lockdown left (which we’re shooting today )! And if we make it to the top spot, @nbjconthemove gets 25k! So watch, like, and comment at the link in my bio! #KevinSmith #soninlockdown #tbs #sitcom #nbjconthemove #flashback
The @moobyspopup impresario @heyitsderekberry and SModCo’s @jordanmonsanto threw a birthday party for me at the @paramount_drive_in , where we watched @jayandsilentbob Reboot in our cars under the stars, and ate Mooby’s in the moonlight! In 26 years, I’ve never seen one of my flicks at a drive-in, so the whole evening was a delightful career-first for me. @harleyquinnsmith and @jenschwalbach brought out a @peachesbakeshop cake and led the crowd in a birthday sing-along before the show began. The drive-in’s DCP broke down so we would’ve had to cancel altogether were it not for @joshroush bringing a separate sound system and downloading a Torrent of #jayandsilentbobreboot off an illegal site. I know as a filmmaker I should be demonizing movie piracy - but last night, it saved our asses! Many thanks to everyone for making the trip for my 50th, and for practicing safe social distancing and wearing masks in the process! Last night worked out so well, we’re looking into duplicating it with our live shows #hollywoodbabbleon and #jayandsilentbobgetold ! More info when I know! #KevinSmith #movie #birthday #50
“Let Him Eat Cake!” Had a fine 50th yesterday doing the “50 Years, 50 Questions” stream followed by dinner with @jenschwalbach , @harleyquinnsmith , @austinzajur , and Nan & Pop and an excellent Vegan cake (from @peachesbakeshop in #glendale ). But when I gave my wife the knife to cut the cake, she went for my jugular instead. Looking forward to social-distantly seeing some of you tonight for a jolt of @jayandsilentbob Reboot at the #driveinmovie ! #KevinSmith #50 #birthday #birthdayday2
The Halfway Mark. I turned 50 today - so to mark the milestone, for the first time since the lockdown began, I hiked good ol’ @runyoncanyon , removing my mask for a selfie only when I was safely socially distant enough from others to do so. Weird to be at mid-century in age. A few highlights of the past 50 years: 1974: First Batman, Besty: Johnny. 1975: Jaws. 1976: Bicentennial. 1977: Star Wars. 1979: Grandparents pass. 1980: Besty: Ernie, Empire Strikes Back. 1982: First self-inflicted orgasm. 1983: First assisted orgasm, Graduated OLPH and went to Henry Hudson Regional, Besty: Bells, Return of the Jedi. 1984: Damn Yankees school play, Talent Show. 1986: Besty/GF: Kim. 1988: Graduate Hudson, Besties: Bry, Walt, & Jay. 1989: Batman, 1990: Quick Stop. 1991: See Slacker with Vincent. 1992: Vancouver Film School. Besty: Scott. 1993: Make Clerks. 1994: Sundance, Clerks sells/releases. 1995: Mallrats. 1996: Besty: Joey. 1997: Chasing Amy. 1998: Daredevil, Besty: Jen. 1999: Married Jen, Harley born, Dogma. 2000: Clerks cartoon. 2001: Green Arrow, J&SB Strike Back, Tonight Show w/Andy begins. 2002: Evening With Kevin Smith. 2003: Dad dies. 2004: Jersey Girl dies. 2006: Clerks II. 2007: SModcast. 2008: Zack & Miri, Batman: Cacophony. 2009: Carnegie Hall, 2 Fat 2 Fly. 2010: Widening Gyre, Cop Out, SModcastle, Babble-On, Get Old. 2011: Red State, Tour. 2012: Tough Shit, ComicBookMen. 2013: Super Groovy Cartoon Movie Tour. 2014: Tusk. 2016: Yoga Hosers. 2018: Heart attack, Silent But Deadly. 2019: J&SB Reboot, Chinese Theater forecourt, Clerks in Library of Congress. 2020: Fuckin’ 50, and at 2pt/5pt, I’m doing a streaming Q&A we call “50 Years, 50 Questions.” If you wanna join in, I’m happy to have you (the link is in my bio )! Thank you for all the kind words, today and always. So happy to be alive! #KevinSmith #50 #birthday
The last day of my 40’s. My 20’s were amazing, and I spent them building my career. My 30’s were wonderful as well, and I spent them building our family with @jenschwalbach . But I truly loved my 40’s, which I spent finally becoming who I always wanted to be: me! The decade that started with my “Too Fat for Forty” stand-up show in Red Bank ended with the 65 city #jayandsilentbobrebootroadshow Tour. The last year of my 40’s found me forever in the forecourt of the @chinesetheatres with @jaymewes , Clerks accepted into the @librarycongress , #veganabattoir with @harleyquinnsmith , Son-in-Lockdown on @tbsnetwork , and the @moobyspopup in #weho (with the last three happening in the middle of a pandemic )! In my 40’s, I survived a widow-maker heart attack, Bruce Willis, and @yogahosers ! I also got to work with the late, great Michael Parks in my 40’s (twice! ), as well as make a goofy podcast whimsy into @tuskthemovie . Tomorrow morning I will surrender my 40’s forever and eagerly embrace my 50’s. I don’t wanna keep aging because it never seems to end well for anybody - but even though I have little choice in the matter, I’m still ready to see what happens in the next chapter. And I hope you’ll continue to come along for the ride! Oh the places we’ll go! (Also? Happy Birthday @mingchen37 ! My fellow @comicbookmenamc co-star was born a day before me, years later! ) #KevinSmith #49 #40s #forties
THIS SUNDAY! Watch me age right before your very eyes as I answer one query for every year I’ve been alive! Join us for 50 YEARS, 50 QUESTIONS: A STREAMING WITH KEVIN SMITH! As I officially turn 50 (at 2:45pm ), you can stare at my face and see if the gray begins! If you get picked, you can ask me anything! Hours are 2 to 4, but I’ll keep going until we hit 50 answers! Tix available at the link in my bio! (Awesome Art by @thedarknatereturns ! ) #KevinSmith #birthday #shindig
Holy shit! WE MADE IT TO WEEK 7 on @celebshowoff ! That means you get a brand new episode of SON-IN-LOCKDOWN (watch it at the link in my bio above )! In this episode, @austinzajur and I do battle using the @jayandsilentbob #mallbrawl game from @interabangent ! There are only 2 more weeks left to #celebshowoff so I'm hoping to stick around 'til the end now! The longer I stay on the @tbsnetwork show, the more money we raise for @NBJContheMove ! #KevinSmith #celebrityshowoff #tbs #soninlockdown
This pic was taken one year ago at @comic_con , back when you could cram this many people into a space! I’m the guy on the @imdb screen, at home in my element, surrounded by fellow fans of the popular arts! We won’t be able to replicate this moment until there’s a vaccine - but we can still get our #comiccon on! Courtesy of the good folks behind #comicconathome , I present my annual Hall H panel... from my living room! Watch it at the link in my bio to hear about all the stuff I’m working on and see the trailer for my new horror anthology, KILLROY WAS HERE! Warning: there are lots of curse-covering bleeps. Many thanks to @joshroush for all the bells and whistles! #KevinSmith #hallh #horror #killroywashere #comiccon
FRIDAY means it’s time for a brand new episode of #veganabattoir with me and @harleyquinnsmith (link in my bio )! Here’s an animated peek at Episode 5 (with @vegnews editor #annastarostinetskaya ), brought to life by the good folks at @cartuna & @cartunaradio ! They’re not only finding funny stuff to animate, but they also draw me as thin as I wish I was IRL! Give a listen and subscribe to Vegan Abattoir! It’s the story of a Girl and her Dad! #KevinSmith #harleyquinn #harleyquinnsmith #podcast #vegan #plantbased #health #cartoon #cartuna
WE MADE IT TO WEEK 6! I’m still standing on @celebshowoff so now you can see the brand new SON-IN-LOCKDOWN on the @tbsnetwork @youtube channel (link in my bio )! In this episode, my #Hollyweed co-star @donnellrawlings joins us for a little online therapy! But in this clip, @austinzajur and I argue over a photo of @jaymewes and I going into the cement at the world famous @chinesetheatres (taken by @bumpinfresh ! ) For every week we stay on the show, @nbjconthemove gets more loot - and with only 3 weeks of #celebshowoff left, I’m hoping to make it to the very end! So please watch and share! #KevinSmith #tbs #donnellrawlings #celebrityshowoff
In 2 weeks - two and a half years after I almost died - I turn 50 years old! So we’re gonna celebrate social distance-style! Come watch @jayandsilentbob Reboot with me at the @paramount_drive_in on August 3rd! Eat @moobyspopup during the flick while watching #jayandsilentbob go to Mooby’s IN the flick! Then after the movie, I’ll do an in-person Q&A (that we hope to project on the big screen as well )! Never leave the cocoon of your car (if you can hold your bladder )! I’m donating the loot I make to @lafoodbank so they can get some folks fed in these trying times. Does this sort of silliness interest you? If so, tickets are available now at the link in my bio (or at the #moobyspopup site )! #KevinSmith #birthday #driveinmovie #paramountdrivein (Awesome Art by @thedarknatereturns ! )
Listen to a brand new episode of #veganabattoir with me and @harleyquinnsmith - available NOW at the link in my bio! After falling in love with a short they did using our audio at @cartunaradio , we commissioned @cartuna to do a new animation every week! I can’t thank #cartuna enough for making me the thinnest I’ve ever looked in my life! #KevinSmith #harleyquinnsmith #vegan #podcasts #podcast
Picking up my smokes!
My @celebshowoff sitcom SON-IN-LOCKDOWN made it to Week 5! You kept us on the air! Now you can watch the brand new episode at the link in my bio! This installment features a plethora of my podcast pals: @jaymewes , @samosier , @ralphgarman , @marcbernardin , @mtverbal , @jenschwalbach , and @harleyquinnsmith ! But in this clip, @austinzajur goes out of his way to prove he’s a good fella! Thanks to everyone who has watched #celebshowoff , and big thanks to my crew @joshroush , @livroush , @julian .cmo and @iamemilydawn ! The longer we last on @tbsnetwork , the more money we raise for @nbjconthemove ! #KevinSmith #celebshowoff #tbs #jasonmewes #soninlockdown #moobys #moobyspopup
STILL STANDING! Our @celebshowoff sitcom SON-IN-LOCKDOWN made it to Week 4, so now you can see the brand new ep at the link in my bio! Recurring guest star @jaymewes is back and he kills it with a t-shirt cannon after we open the show at @moobyspopup in #weho (now on @postmates ). Keen eyes might spot @heyitsderekberry as the guy seen pumping his fists at the Mooby’s counter! Hater Totz all around to my co-stars @austinzajur , @harleyquinnsmith , @jenschwalbach , Nan, and Pop, as well as crew @joshroush , @livroush , @julian .cmo and @iamemilydawn ! I wanna get in a time machine to go back and tell young me that one day we run the only network sitcom shooting in Hollywood during quarantine. Please watch it and give the show love. The longer I linger on @tbsnetwork , the more money I raise for @nbjconthemove ! #KevinSmith #celebshowoff #tbs #jasonmewes #soninlockdown #moobys #moobyspopup
This is an advertising asset from this week’s @richroll Podcast, in which Rich was kind enough to let me and @harleyquinnsmith talk about our new show #veganabattoir ).Not only did the kid post this asset on her @instagram , she also texted this to me with the comment “Facts.” I’m glad she’s proud of saving my life, as the alternative would be a bummer. Fathering this kid has been the great joy of my life - and also prolonged said life. Some people go to a church to find a savior; most days, I just have to go down a flight of steps. #KevinSmith #harleyquinnsmith #richroll #vegan #podcast
HAPPY SOBER BIRTHDAY, @jaymewes ! Today marks 10 years of a booze-and-drug-free for my hetero-lifemate - a sobriety that led to nearly a decade of touring with our @jayandsilentbob Get Old podcast (now exclusively at #thatkevinsmithclub ), as well as our #jayandsilentbobreboot Roadshow Tour! It’s been an excellent decade in which we both grew closer because Jay made the choice to keep it clean. It’s hard governing your habits but Jay does it daily now - and because he does, he makes our lives fun and profitable! In a Covid-free world, we’d be on a stage for one of our #jayandsilentbobgetold shows. But since we’re all in lockdown, I’m joining Jay on his day-long @twitch marathon stream to play both What’s In The Box as well as Mall Brawl! However, we might do a streaming 10 Year Birthday version of Get Old online this weekend (more when I know )! Meantime, congratulations to my fellow Highlands homey for this monumental accomplishment. I love you, Jay! Thank you for denying your demons so we can Reboot and Get Old together! #KevinSmith #jasonmewes #jaymewes #sober #sobriety #jayandsilentbobgetold
In #jayandsilentbobreboot , when Iron Bob crashes Chronic Con, the “Director” Kevin Smith says “I can’t wait ‘til they make HIM a Funko POP!” Well Funko made that dopey dream a roaring reality! Presenting the Iron Bob Limted @comic_con POP! This marks my eighth incarnation as a Pop, and a piece of plastic hasn’t made me feel this good since Fleshlight! Get them while you can, exclusively from #funko (and I’ll see if I can get some to sign for @jayandsilentbobstash )! #KevinSmith #comiccon #funkopop #funkocollector #funkofamily #ironbob
WE MADE IT TO WEEK 3 OF @celebshowoff ! Folks can now watch the brand new episode of SON-IN-LOCKDOWN at the @tbsnetwork @youtube channel (link in my bio )! I’ve had an absolute blast making these with @harleyquinnsmith , @austinzajur , @jenschwalbach , @jaymewes , @joshroush , @livroush , @iamemilydawn , @seanabrehgorlick , @julian .cmo, and Nan & Pop! But on this week’s ep, even though she’s all the way out in #florida , I was able to include MY MOM too! @donsgirlgrace was in Clerks, Clerks II, and @yogahosers , but I haven’t acted with Mom since she used to play make believe with me as a kid! What a gift! So thank you, #tbs and #celebshowoff : I doubt I’ll make it all the way to the end, but this has been a lot of fun for me and my family while it’s lasting! Please watch and share: the longer we stay in the game, the more money we earn for @nbjconthemove ! #KevinSmith #celebrityshowoff #soninlockdown